During my travels, I happened to pass through the part of the Horrible Frozen North known as Pennsylvania. Why the FUÇK would anyone choose to live in this hellish netherworld? I stopped to get gas on my way to the airport, and when I got out of my car, the air itself tried to murder me. I could feel the blood in my veins freezing. Clearly, this is the problem with America today. All our politicians have chosen to live in a place where the weather is so cold it makes them functionally retarded. I bet all the nation's problems could be solved if they relocated the capitol to sunny Texas.