True story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Adepticon team tourny game #2, Saturday. I, your humble narrator, wander into the 40k hall and find my friends Josh, Brian, Will, and Chris about to start a new game against new opponents. A quick aside from Josh enlightens me that my friends are the ill-chosen 'ringer' place-filling team destined to play against whoever is the worst scoring team of the day. Oh boy.
This other team is a bunch of stand up guys from Illinois, somewhere. But one of them is the drunkest and most obnoxious muther****er I've ever seen. In a good way. Die rolling to determine who goes first is interrupted by the offer of shots of Jameson. I of course accept gratefully. No, I'm not actually playing, I was just standing there. This one guy is so very very drunk he has the leaning over, 'I shoulda had a V8' look to him, a glazed look in his eye and a perma-grin plastered on his face, but he's friendly and funny and endearing.
Skip ahead a bit: Our new best friend, Pete, cannot stop yelling obnoxious and obscene sexual slurrs, then apologizing for it by giving a friendly bearhug. I admit to being leary of him at first, not sure whether he was so drunk as to be an actual threat, but after about 45 minutes we were innoculated enough to take it with a smile and a solid 'No, stick it up YOUR ***, ****wad! I've got feel no pain!!' or whateva. You git the gist.
Here's the highlight of the day:
Pete: FUUUUUUCK YOU you piece of ****! Here comes my big dreadnaughts to **** your **** up! <aside to teamate> wait where are my dreadnaughts? Why aren't they on the table yet??
they aren't on the table yet because they haven't made their reserve rolls to come in on turns 2 or 3, and Pete is so drunk he hasn't noticed yet. His long suffering teamate is running the whole show while Pete wanders around to make new friends, force judges to drink, and yell obscenities at anyone who will listen.
Pete: Well, as soon as my dreadnaughts get on the table, I'm gunna **** YOU IN THE ***!!
Brian: That's fine bro, but at least give the courtesy of a reacharound!!
Pete: I don't just give reacharounds. You gotta roll for it!!
Chris: Ok. On a 6+ you give a reacharound, asstard.
Pete: Hahahahaaa!! Just for you, I'll give you a +1. Roll a 5-up, dip****!!
Chris picks up a die, and dramatically tosses it high into the air. It finally settles as a 5.
Pete's face instantly lights up with devilish delight, and he begins to run around the table to get to Chris, who modestly covers his man bits and cries out in protest.
Chris: O ****! I thought you were kidding!!
Pete then dry-humps and pretends to wank Chris, while everyone within twenty feet is laughing so hard we all die.
True story. Hijinks like that continued the whole time, and I was laughing so hard for over 2 hours my face muscles hurt and my eyes were watering. Plus I got about six shots of Irish whiskey. That may have been part of it.
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